This momma's heart

Sean and I are about to embark on an adventure...just the two of us, which we haven't really done since before we had SE.  I don't think I've even been on an airplane since I was pregnant with SE.

photo courtesy of hollib photography (hollib.com)

I'm a mess of emotions most of which is heart agonizing sadness.  I've made numerous friends promise me that if something happens, they will remain in the lives of my son and daughter (yes they think I'm crazy).  I find myself overcome with tears at the slightest provocation...so far today it has been nursing Finley, putting her down for a nap, helping SE potty, hearing SE refer to Finley as his best friend, and making SE promise me he will always take care of his sister (yes he thinks I'm crazy too).

He loves me, I promise.

But what I'm finding in the midst of these emotions is that God has given mommas special hearts.  Hearts that in the middle of the worst situations (i.e. being thrown up on, meltdowns in very public places, a little one peeing in his air vent as SE did yesterday) have a softness toward their babes that does not relay shame, guilt or disappointment.  But instead conveys a love that transcends the most appalling behavior (did I mention SE peed into his air vent yesterday?).

I find God calling to this momma's heart asking her to trust Him with my littles because even if I don't fully comprehend it, He does love them more than I do.  He provides for them better than I can.  I mean He did after all give them to me.

SE

Fin

So as difficult as it is, I release my babes to Him, the Author and Perfecter, the One who has His hands over my kids, the One whose love and power knows no boundaries.  Because He knows what my kids need, and I'm believing that it is myself and Sean and that He will bring us back to them.

As I was again prepping SE that momma and daddy were going to be gone a couple of days, he looked at me and said "but you will come back to me, momma".  It wasn't a question; it was a declaration.  Yes little one I will come back to you (I also said a little thank you to Jesus as I believe it was Him affirming me in our protection).

So I carry on with trip preparations and let the tears come while standing in faithfulness to the Almighty God of the universe.  Sean Edward and Finley, momma and daddy love you very much, and yes, little ones, we will be back soon!!